Posted on September 8, 2021
Staying Friends With Exes: Advantages and Drawbacks
Psychologists often advise to never befriend your exes unless both of you have worked through your trauma. Although most therapists recommend that you should leave your past in the past, creating new possibilities for healthier and more respectable connections, you don't have to stay enemies with someone each time you break up. But is staying friends with your ex worth it? Here are some main advantages and drawbacks of keeping your ex in your life.
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Advantages of staying friends with your ex
1. You are cool
If you managed to save a friendship with your ex, you fall into the lucky 10% of people. It shows the level of emotional maturity because both parties were able to avoid petty behavior and hatred. Only the coolest ones are friends with their exes because they for sure know how to handle conflict. Chances are, you are also a good person.
2. You have a good friend who wholeheartedly understands you
If you are true friends with one of your exes, it means that you have someone close who knows of your emotional and physical needs. Ideally, they would always have your back and help out even in the new connections.
3. Your family probably loves them
If you broke off as friends, your family most definitely wants them in your inner circle because they managed to establish a certain level of bonding.
4. They can be your great advisor
Provided that you broke off as friends, this person probably knows your strongest and weakest sides like no one else. Therefore, they might provide precious insight next time you ask about relationship advice. They knew you close enough to understand how you would behave in a different connection.
Disadvantages of staying friends with your ex
1. Residual feelings
No matter how long ago you break off with your partner, it will be difficult to get rid of mutual attraction because on the contrary to friendship, you were in a sexual relationship as well. Therefore, it will be easy to go back to your old ways, especially under the influence of alcohol or seasonal loneliness. Consequently, you might be stuck in a loop between friends and lovers, which is never a good dynamic.
2. Their new partners might irritate you
Staying friends with one of your exes sounds like all fun and games until they have moved on. You know that it is a matter of time before they stop entertaining the idea of getting back to you and finding someone new. Jealousy and feeling miserable might get into the picture, as well as true hatred for their new lover instead of feeling happy for your ex-partner. Especially if you haven't moved on yourself, it is not a good idea to be emotionally connected, even as friends.
3. Their new partner would not approve of your connection
Unless you are exceptionally mature people, there is no way on Earth their new lover would approve of your connection. This unnecessary triangulation will sabotage every party involved and prevent the three of you from getting a healthy personal life.
4. You will be always tempted to have sex
Because going back to someone familiar is easier than attracting and wooing a new person, all you're doing is confusing everyone because now you're stuck in between sex and friendship. You might think you are slick with this, but instant gratification will lead you nowhere in the long run.
5. You will not get rid of residual hatred
Because you broke up for a reason, there will always be a temptation to bring up the past and mention their setbacks. If you need some drama in your life, if then getting back with your ex and pretending everything is alright might be a great choice.